Puppies!

So my dog had puppies yesterday quite unexpectedly. Everyone I have talked to- breeders and whatnot all told me the way to tell that they are ready to give birth is they won't eat 24 hours beforehand and they will starting nesting a looking for a place to give birth and to expect it to take place at night.

Well none of those things happened, she was acting like she always did during her pregnancy. I woke in the morning and let her out like I always do- she ate her food and then ran downstairs like she typically does to sleep on the couch (her favorite place).

The only difference I noticed was that she didn't come upstairs at all- so around lunchtime I decided to go check on her. I found her on the couch- I sat down beside her and petted her when I suddenly heard some squealing. She had had a puppy on my couch without me knowing! thank goodness my couch is leather so it wasn't a big deal.

So I carried her and the pup to the whelping box I made her- I quickly ran upstairs to get warm water and supplies to cut the cord and clean the pups up. I cannot believe how quickly they came- birthing just seemed to come natural. It was a neat experience.

She had two males and one female- and they are so cute!

Just born

This is the female and the runt of the litter. I call her lady because she reminds me of a prissy lady. She whines alot more than the other pups.

This is the biggest puppy of the litter- I call him bruno because he is a brute. He eats like a pig and tramples the other puppies to get his food.

 

This is the firstborn male- I call him Gus. Gus is special to me- he was born with a crippled leg. You cannot really see it on this picture but it's the paw resting on my thumb. It is much shorter than his other paw and he can't use it, it's all curled up and it just hangs there. poor lil guy! I am not sure what I am going to do with him- people will not pay full price for a puppy with a useless paw- but I do not want to give him away either. He is beautiful to me- I want to keep him so much but I know it is not a smart move for me right now. I have so much on my plate and I really don't want to take on more... I guess we will see how things play out. Hopefully a special person will come along and see him like I do- and think he's precious.

 

Feeding time- which is pretty much constantly at this point

 

Molly is such a good mommy- the they all doing fantastic. I am really looking forward to these little pups grow- and hopefully I can restrain myself from trying to keep one.

Are We Helping or Hindering?

So today I put together monkey's lifebook- it was hard looking at all those pictures knowing that I wouldn't be able to enjoy that smile of his in the future. Sometimes I think I got more pain than I bargained for- I signed up for this not really knowing what it would cost me.

Life is just hard, it has been a dark season for me plain and simple. I continually deal with my grief- when I think I am over it something reminds me of what I have lost and all those emotions just come flooding back.

I think what has made all this so hard is the feeling of loneliness and isolation- I try not to isolate myself but it's hard to be open when there is so little compassion and understanding out there. It's just easier to paste on that smile and not talk about it. This last year it's been a topic that has kinda been off limits... people haven't been receptive and I have been hurt too many times by well meaning but hurtful comments to take that risk.

This last month was a really rough one- and I started to reach out again to others. I just needed to get my feelings out there- I wanted a shoulder to cry on in the midst of the dark place I was. We all need to share feelings at some point or another whether those feelings are irrational or not. 

I was sad to learn that nothing has changed- I regret opening up on more than one occasion. It hurts so much when you put yourself out there completely vulnerable- and person dances around the topic trying to tell me to look on the bright side and point out that it could always be worse, or changing the subject, or giving me advise like I am broken and need to be fixed.

When people expose their heart like that they don't want to be fixed, they want to be heard, understood, accepted and most of all loved. Why do SO many people fail to get this? Doing this doesn't make the problem go away. The problem is still there and by ignoring the problem- it will just grow and worsen, it's something Satan takes advantage of big time. If you think of it, it just makes people think that they need to in their own strength "get over it"- which is impossible by the way.

About 'being fixed' we don't want to be fixed. By trying to fix peoples problems it is actually hindering the person more than helping them. You are probably wondering why I say that- but think of it this way. Most people try to fix the symptom of the problem- which really just masks the root of the issue. Someone can have anger because of abuse they were subjected to- so lets say this angry person talks to their friend about their anger. Their friend suggests counting to ten, or banging nails when angry to calm down. While this may deal with the symptom (anger) temporarily- it isn't dealing with the root of the problem which is the abuse. Once you deal with the abuse things will often be dealt with in regards to the anger. Will that person get angry again? Yes- we are human and healing is a lifetime- it's not about focusing on the symptom rather the root and allowing God to heal it in his proper time.

So another question I have is why many of us walk around ignoring our issues and masking them as if nothing is wrong? It's usually these people who lack the understanding and compassion it takes to minister to hurting people. I think we do not realize is that pushing problems away doesn't make them disappear they just build up until we explode. The truth will ALWAYS come out and when it does we need to deal with it whether we are ready or not.

In all honesty peoples insensitivity has been really bugging me lately and we as a society do not really know how to love those who are grieving and hurting- we think we are helping but instead alot of us are just hindering others from dealing with the core issues in their lives. Don't be fooled we all have them.

I just think of Jesus and his compassion for those hurting- I wish we as Christians mirrored that compassion. Why are we as people so reluctant to display emotion and acknowledge our feelings?And why is it viewed as weakness to display emotion? It just seems completely backwards in my opinion.

Life it tough, trials are hard and I am doing what I can to acknowledge my feelings while not allowing them to rule me. It's a tough balance. Yes, I am sad right now and I believe thats completely okay. They are feelings and they do not define me- but i do believe it is important to get them out and express whats on my heart. To be quite honest I don't care what others think anymore, It's not about pleasing people- it's about pleasing my God. It's about becoming me, becoming the woman God created me to be- the person He is shaping me into right now to be an instrument He can use. I want to allow God to love me- with my faults and flaws. I want to learn and understand what real love is so that I can sincerely pass this love onto others- I am not there yet but I know thats the only way any of us can truly help those around us that are hurting. Hopefully my hurt can be used to help others that are hurting.

We are so worldly (me included) and I am SO tired of people's insensitivity and the hurt I see in my life and the lives of those around me... come on people lets learn what it means to truly love and pass it onto others.

Some Of My Favorite Things

Some of my fav's lately- just had to share :)

I was looking to complete my adoption profile, people told me to make my profile on shutterfly I gave it a try and found it less than satisfactory. Don't get me wrong shutterfly is great is if all you want is a simple photo album. I eventually stumbled onto mixbook- and LOVED it! Mixbook allows you to add as many or as little pictures as you want to a page in any arrangement- it's up to you. Also they have hundreds of 'papers' and if you aren't happy with the ones they provide you can upload your own- I love it. There is also embellishments (ie ribbon, buttons, flowers) and again you can upload your own if you aren't happy with the ones they provide.

I have had the hardest time finding jeans for Shaelynn that fit her- she is super slim and most places don't make the jeans slim enough. Well I finally found a jean that works for her- they are slim enough and down fall down and they don't even have a adjustable waist. For those who do not know of justice- they used to be limited too. I think I am going to buy most of Shaelynn's clothes there- they are super cute, great quality and pretty reasonably priced. Especially since I found a 40% off coupon code quite easily online- I just did a google search.

Free quality stock images- need I say more?

More free stuff- who doesn't love free?

For those who blog- this is a must have. These are free patterned backgrounds that you can customize with any color- I have used them many times.

Lands end- i love them. I just ordered a new down parka from them- I love it! It is such good quality and it is going to be so warm with the harsh winters we get. I cannot wait for it to get cold enough just so I can wear it.

I have been 'looking' at names lately- and this site is such a great one. they have unique ways to search for a name- you can search by tradition, dispositions, celebrity, and other worlds.

I stumbled across this site a week ago- and it is AWESOME! They have every show on there imaginable and it's all for free. It's the way I get to watch SYTYCD since it is not airing in canada this season (poo).

Ok, so I am the biggest nerd- but my nerd of a husband got me hooked on 'the it crowd' (yes I blame him). Many of you I'm sure have never heard of them- it's a British show. This show is SOOO funny- I love british humor. If you are curious and want to check it out you can find it on cast tv. Here are a few of my favorite moments for those who care to watch- here and here

Now this really isn't a favorite yet- but it will be (hopefully). I have been drooling on this photography backdrop for a long while now- I am hoping for Christmas this year. Isn't it beautiful? I LOVE it!

I Am Gonna Keep on...

Today started out as a hard day, it felt like the burden of everything was right on my shoulders. It felt that tears were on the surface ready to just be let out- my purpose in everything seemed pretty vague.

However the day is ending on a much better note than it started on. Tonight I met God, the God I have always known- but I saw Him and my trials in a different light. My church has a prayer night they call SOZO where people can come meet God, Receive prayer or personal ministry. I had some excellent ladies pray with me and I was able to gain the strength and perspective I needed. It was through these ladies that God ministered to me so powerfully- this verse really is true.

I feel so much lighter and free- and there is some joy again. I am no longer dreading my week and I feel motivated for the first time in weeks. There is still quite a journey ahead of me, but I know God is near and strengthening me to get through it. There will be sadness and tears- there still is... but those are inevitable. I just do not want my trials to shake and question everything I believe... I want them to promote growth, the kind of growth God can use.

What was most significant to me this evening is God spoke to me... I felt he told me to hang for just a little longer. I really sense him telling me my trials are near over and that I was supposed to hang onto Him. So I will.

God also really used this song to minister to me- it's not a new song I have shared it on my blog before. But this song has brought on new meaning for me tonight- I came across an incredible interview behind the song. I feel I really relate to this story- My loss is different but the feelings are the same.

In this video she described not feeling God while singing like she used to because she just felt so broken- but she knew she needed to keep singing and somehow everything would be alright. And soon enough she began to feel God presence again. Her testimony really encouraged me to keep on perservering, keep on enduring... and just keep on worshiping even though things just suck.

So I will keep on and I know everything will be okay- because I am not alone God is with me and only He is able to get me through this.